Jesus appeared on the balcony overlooking Piazza San Pietro. Through a device he borrowed from his close personal friend, Gene Roddenberry, he would be heard by every Christian on earth.
“First,” he began, “I am not a Christian. I am a Jew. That whole shmontses was Paul’s idea, the shmok.
“If you want to be a good Christian, start by being a good Jew. As my chaver, Hillel, once said,
’אַז וואָס איז כייטפאַל צו איר, טאָן ניט אַנטו אנדערן: דאס איז דער גאנצער
תורה. די רו איז קאָמענטאַר‘ ("What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow: this is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn.”)
“Then Yiddish you should go study.”
Turning off the device, “Shmoks,” he mumbled as he turned and walked away into eternity.
Shmontses is Yiddish for ‘nonsense’
Shmok (usually pronounced shmuk) is variously used to mean ‘fool, idiot, contemptible person; naive person, person easy to deceive’.
In American Yiddish it has a much more vulgar connotation, having to do with a male member or orifice. Jesus, of course, was not American, so his intent was meant to convey the former.
Chaver means a ‘male friend’ or ‘buddy’.